A few years ago, in 2017, I started a journey that would change the trajectory of my life. I started working with Andrea Owen, an author & life coach who I now call a friend and colleague. She led me through a 16-week program that introduced me to Brene Brown and her work on vulnerability, shame and empathy.
Brene says “if you’re afraid to lean into good news, wonderful moments, and joy - if you find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop - you are not alone. It’s called ‘foreboding joy.”
Joy is an interesting thing - so many of us want to be happy. But happiness is fleeting and can so easily be impacted by external events and people. Joy, though, is different - when I am joyful, I can feel it in my gut. It is all-encompassing and even when a more difficult emotion presents itself, joy is still there (if you’ve ever seen the movie Inside Out, visualize the emotions together - joy is there even when another core emotion is in charge).
I am in a period of my life where it is difficult to lean into joy and not allow my default behavior to pop up. Many things in my life are not only going well but are exceeding any expectations I had for my life. And while I often do allow myself to have that joy, there are times when the back of my brain tries to make me believe that something bad will happen and take it away.
Does that happen to any of you?
The current edition of Oprah’s magazine is the gratitude issue. There are several articles about joy and initially, the connection didn’t make sense but, because it’s Oprah and her team is amazing, I let myself lean into curiosity. Then, it all made sense to me - we can’t have joy without practicing gratitude. Without the ability to notice what is going on in our lives and express appreciation and thankfulness, we can’t have joy. When I am foreboding joy and waiting for something to happen, making an intentional effort to be thankful can calm me down and remind me to appreciate what I have now instead of worrying about something in the future (that I can’t control right now anyway).
In addition to helping us have joy, expressing gratitude impacts our brains. Expressing gratitude can…
Release a surge of dopamine - the neurotransmitter associated with reward, pleasure, motivation, and attention.
Increase serotonin production - serotonin is sometimes referred to as the happy chemical as it is associated with positive well-being, helps to stabilize our emotions, and helps us to feel more relaxed.
Increase activity in the part of our prefrontal cortex that is most linked to learning and decision making.
Gratitude doesn’t have to be vocally expressed to have benefits, but I am a fan of expressing it whenever possible (and it is so often possible). Expressing gratitude is as simple as saying thank you to a friend who has played an important role in your life. Or writing a thank you note to a colleague who you’ve worked on a project with. Or taking a few minutes each day to think about and write down several things you are grateful for (Oprah does this). The most important aspect of a gratitude practice is a commitment to expressing gratitude and finding a practice that works for you. Mindful (which has wonderful resources related to mindfulness), has created a list of 10 ways to practice gratitude.
As you approach the end of the year and look to 2022, what are you grateful for? How can you cultivate a gratitude practice that will improve your relationships and your life?
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